Schlechter Filmbericht: Showgirls

And now a new, non-Eurovision feature at Lemur Love: Schlechter Filmbericht. Schlechter Filmbericht is German for Bad Film Report. Why German? As John Blutarsky would say, "Why not?"

Every now and then, we're going to print the best parts of the best reviews of the worst movies that we love the most. We will of course start with Showgirls, which was manna from the heavens for those of us who had worn through several copies of Valley of the Dolls (which we'll get to, incidentally).

We went to New York a couple of years ago to a movie theater in Chelsea to see the interactive (read: Rocky Horror-style) version of Showgirls. It was fun, although the script they gave us to play along with was kinda lame. We instead tried to shout out lines that went along with the dialog in the film, like in Rocky Horror. For example:

Jen: "Gina, did you regret doing this film?"
Gina Gershon: "Yeah, darling, I think I did."

This seemed to amuse the people in our general vicinity. Of course, we still have the goodie bags they handed out.

That's enough ado, so without further ado, here are our favorite reviews of Showgirls.

Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

"Young Nomi wants to be a Vegas show girl. She wants to come out of a volcano with no shirt on. She wants to wear glitter in her eyeshadow. And she doesn't care how. 'Showgirls,' the NC-17-rated, Paul Verhoeven-directed film about the seamy Las Vegas underworld, is about the blind ambition of an utter numbskull."

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

"The plot now develops into basic Jacqueline Susann backstage sleaze, which has a certain informational value. After Nomi is hired at the Stardust, we learn about the hazards of Vegas dancing, including monkey-doo on the stage, and the unexpected uses of ice cubes."

Rita Kempley, Washington Post

"Trollops and floozies and sluts, oh my."

Joe Bob Briggs, San Francisco Chronicle

"What movie is so sleazy that, after you see it, you have to go to a Times Square live-sex show to feel better about mankind? And what movie spent $40 million to produce live, bare-breast, Las Vegas follies shows that are actually cheesier and cheaper-looking than the real thing?"

Barbara Shulgasser, San Francisco Examiner

"Nomi, the 23-year-old with a past, has hitchhiked from somewhere back east to perform in a show where a dancer doesn't wear much more than a light coating of powder and a big, fake smile. No one is twisting Nomi's arm. No one is holding her grandmother hostage. She wants to do this. Is there anyone whose aspirations could inspire less sympathy?"